I used to hate my work. Today, I’m more fulfilled than ever. I have put a lot of thought, research, and practice into this topic.
Imagine it’s Monday again, and you don’t feel the Monday blues.
Sometimes, that empty feeling starts as early as Sunday afternoon when the weekend hype cools off, and things become quiet.
What if returning to school or work doesn’t make you feel down anymore?
Work occupies almost two-thirds of our lives. It doesn’t make any sense to spend 60 years with negative emotions. Or worst, let the negative experiences from work affect the after-work life.
The last thing a spouse wants is you complaining about work, despite her compassionate heart.
You’ll be more helpful to your family members, friends, and significant other when you are peaceful. It’s not their fault.
I have been there; I used to feel stressed all day to the extent it was not fun to be around me.
Luckily, I woke up to a new reality. I changed everything! I connected more with the natural state of Well-Being by following a few fundamental practices, and here are three of them.
1. The Inside-Out Model
“Maybe the problem isn’t everything and everyone around you, but what lies within you.”― Dominic Riccitello
Nothing is dark when you find the light inside you. Nothing outside of you can make you experience enduring happiness. A lasting state of well-being
Unlike Enduring happiness, momentary happiness is “the experienced enjoyment minus the experienced stress over one hour. “— as described by Ryan T Howell, a Social Psychology professor.
Momentary happiness could be stimulated by a piece of chocolate, a glass of wine, or a purchase. Too many of these lead to addictions and compulsive behaviors. It’s similar to painkillers; the effect won’t last.
On the one hand, you can’t keep stimulating your momentary happiness every second to be happier forever. On the other hand, enduring happiness, it’s not a feeling that comes and goes. It’s a greater sense of well-being.
Martin Seligman studied positive emotions and happiness for years and published “Authentic Happiness.”
He said that the enduring happiness level (H) is the sum of your set range (S), your life circumstances (C ), and voluntary factors (V); the latter are under your proper control:
Positive psychology researchers claim that 50% of happiness depends on genetic make, 10% on circumstances, and 40% on voluntary factors.
It means 50% is out of our control.
I disagree with this research as I believe that the happiness set range could be altered through understanding the nature of emotions and thoughts.
Recent scientific discoveries in Epigenetics prove that our behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way our genes work.
It’s by becoming aware of our state of Being and every moment of the day.
Put simply, 100% of the emotions are experienced inside our bodies as a physical sensation; the thoughts construct the feeling we associate with the physical sensations.
I found that my feeling around an outside event or an environment is a manifestation of how I feel about myself and how I see the world.
We don’t experience the world; we experience our thoughts about the world. Out thoughts comes from the state of Being we choose.
“It’s an inside-out revolution,” as Micheal Neill puts it.
Everything changed when I switched from thinking my way through life to feeling my way through life.
My childhood conditioning and my scientifical educational background caused me to develop “Emotional Poverty”
Benjamin P. Hardy said, “No matter how dark or conflicted your past, it can be absolutely transformed.”
He means you can transform your life by taking action in the present.
I took ownership, stopped being the victim of my past, and did the inner work to develop “Emotional Richness.”
The goal is to reach a state where nothing outside of you could alter your state of Being, and nothing from the past has power over your present.
2. The Meaning
“When you can live forever what do you live for?”― Stephenie Meyer
According to the father of meaning and the founder of logotherapy, Victor Frankl,”.. the striving to find meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in a man.” As opposed to the will to Power or the will to Pleasure.
He asked the question, “what’s important to you?” to 8000 students:
- 89% said “Finding Meaning & Purpose”
- 16% said “Making Money”
- 6% said other things like “Finding someone to live with”
Existential frustration or existential vacuum is the source of unhappiness at work.
According to Gallup Study on US employees engagement as of early 2022: 32% were engaged, 51% non-engaged, and 17% disengaged.
Meaning and community keep people motivated and happy in the long run.
I used to hate my job because it had no meaning. The positive effect of making money fades after a couple of years of work or reaching a specific income level.
I thought I had my dream job and doubled my salary in 6 months. It didn’t stop me from anxiety and disgusting everything around me.
The wake-up call came when my boss was angry while I was working to find the source of discrepancies in one of our calculations. He wasn’t helping; I asked myself: Why am I doing this? Who am I helping, and What positive change am I creating for myself and the world?
I didn’t have a clear meaning for my work, and my purpose wasn’t related to a solid motive I deeply cared about.
Most people are like walking dead. They wake up every morning on the same side of the bed, grab a coffee and a shower and go to work.
We are meaning-making creatures. Elon Musk said, “to effectively learn and be productive, you should choose a purpose to it first.”
To stop hating your job, assign a meaning to it. The best practice is to make your job a means to an end. The end should be related to a bigger vision of your life.
3. Clear Agreements
“When you are setting expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointments” — Ryan Reynolds
When I hear expectations, I automatically hear disappointments.
A potential source of hating a job is the accumulated resentment due to feeling undervalued.
The reality goes deeper than feeling undervalued.
You feel undervalued because you couldn’t communicate your value. As an alternative strategy, you set expectations in your head. But expectations are silent; they never reach your manager and team members. Your colleagues don’t have psychic abilities.
Set clear agreements. Agreements are two types.
- Public Agreements: to be communicated to the team.
- Mental Agreements: are based on realistic expectations that don’t need to be communicated.
For example, if you know the company’s current financial situation, you can expect a specific pay level. Instead, you set a mental agreement with yourself. I will keep doing my job without feeling disappointed about the pay.
Start shifting your feelings around your job today and build your side hustle by capitalizing on your unique story and gifts. Be on your purpose.