I used to fear my fears, deny them, and feel crippled by them.
I broke free from the prison of fears.
I transformed and integrated my old fears, and I now welcome any new fear because it serves as a guide. It’s a guide to more clarity and a deeper understanding of myself.
I’ve created a process that helped me and many others use fears as guides to find what we want and what we should focus on to continue growing.
People say that fears are false evidence appearing real, and I say that fears are our friends showing us the path toward faster growth.
We experience our thoughts about everything, including our fears. Our thoughts come from memories.
Fearing the unknown is, in reality, fearing our explanation about a new topic using our known thoughts.
“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.”Abraham Maslow
In other terms, Maslow wanted to explain that there is an over-reliance on the familiar to deal with the unfamiliar.
We can’t stop thoughts from popping into our heads — It’s a sign of life, but we can make use of them.
According to Napoleon Hill, there are six basic fears: fear of poverty, fear of criticism, fear of ill health, fear of loss of love, fear of old age, and fear of death.
David R.Hawkins said that “All fears can be tracked down to the fear of death.”
It could be accurate, but staying trapped in similar thinking patterns is not helpful.
The ultimate goal in life is to make progress. Hence, I created three more general fear categories:
#1 Fears To Avoid At All Costs
“Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.” — Norment Vincent Peal
Warren Buffet told his pilot: You have been working for me for 10 years; I don’t think I have served you well. Would you like some support?
He asked him to list the 25 things he wanted to do before he died. The pilot came with a list of 25; Buffet asked him to identify the top 5. “What about the remaining 20”? The pilot asked.
“This is your avoid-at-all-cost list,” Buffet said.
Trying to solve or do these will drain you of energy and resources rather than make you succeed in your life.
There are fears you should avoid at all costs. Things that are out of your control. There is no value in facing them.
Examples: Death is out of your control. Don’t spend your mental energy on it. There is no point in solving the fear of serpents. Just avoid them at all costs.
Finding life direction starts with targeted actions.
#2 Fears as Emotional Blocks
“The Obstacle is the way.” — Rayan Holiday
One of the main reasons I made peace with having fears is cause they help me identify my limitations.
Tony Robbins said that “The secret to happiness in one word is: Progress”
Progress equals happiness. But progress requires knowing the starting point and direction and removing obstacles from our way.
Fears are obstacles manifesting as emotional blocks.
Our journey shouldn’t be a journey of struggling with our fears, but rather, it’s a journey of purification.
Purification from negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and unuseful ways of Being.
It’s worth tackling these blocks and clearing them.
Our outside worlds are a reflection of our inner world. We can only reach anything in life after creating internal space for it.
My favorite quote of all time is from Rumi: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I love it because you can replace the word love with any other word you want, and the quote is always valid.
Our task is then to identify all the barriers within ourselves that we have built against our greatness.
Some of them could be identified by looking at our fears.
#3 Fears as Disguised Desires
“The earnestness of your desire will indicate the distance you are likely to travel.” — Clark C. Stockford
This is my favorite!
Underneath fears, there are desires.
This distinction between fears and desires changed my life forever.
It’s a counterintuitive way of seeing our fears. Instead of naming an emotion as a specific type of fear, we continue the process of self-inquiry.
It starts by asking the question, Why do I have this fear, to begin with?
Some guys, for example, have fears of approaching women. Why?
Because they care, they have the desire to talk and be with women.
Once the desire is identified, a new set of possibilities is open. The next move is to follow the best way to fulfill your desires.
I once was journaling, and I found out that I have a fear of speaking on camera. Then, I realized that I wouldn’t have this fear if I didn’t have the desire to do it. It was eyes opening and mind-blowing.
I then bought a camera and an online class on recording videos with a professional camera, and the rest is history.
Napoleon Hill’s studies on the science of achievement put having a burning desire as the first step to success.
All starts with desires. However, since childhood, we might be conditioned that having a desire isn’t the right thing. We develop inner blocks and fears of desiring something bigger and better.
Clarity of life direction requires a deep focus on what matters, purifying inner blocks, and following our inner inclination and desires.